The Shiny Hiney

Hark, fresh-out-of-the-vault dwellers! What's new and exciting in the wasteland? To be more specific, Point Pleasant.

It's...

The World's Shiniest Butt! 

A pleasant stroll over hill and dale, heading west from Vault 76 is the location of the prewar Mothman Museum. Posters adorn the walls of the mysterious, glowing eyed cryptid. Treasures of the local area line the shelves and fill display cases in the building, a miniature statue of the mothman displayed in a glass case near the front door. 

Countless tales travel the Wasteland of the furtive creature and our reporters added countless miles on their already worn boots to interview folk from every corner of Appalachia, listening with rapt attention, and maybe a bit of disbelief, to stories told of terrifying encounters - being attacked viciously and repeatedly; along with benign encounters - glowing eyes peaking out above velvety wings folded up tight, a comforting and soothing presence...as if the moth chose to impart wisdom instead of vengeance. 

One grizzled old man, 'call me Gramps,' with a gray mane of hair and in denim overalls, found out wandering in different locations by several of our reporters, had this to say when questioned about the mothman: 

'beware the different colors of those glowing eyes;

See the red, 

You're stalked instead;

See the green,

use radiation sunscreen;

See the yellow,

Run or fight, my good fellow;

If it's purple you see,

You'll not suffer from knock-knee.' 

He'd obviously put a lot of thought into his rhyme, ending with, 'Hey kid, pull my finger.'

Unsure what he meant by the last bit, but maybe it's important information to have. 

Now, just outside the front doors of the museum and around the side is a sight you wont want to miss! It's the effigy to the infamous red-eyed flying creature, half moth and half man. 

Protected on both sides by towering brick buildings, colorful autumnal trees stretching up to the sky providing shade in the back, you'll find the smooth, shiny curvature of the mothman, wings outstretched to take flight, his red eyes all aglow when the sun hits just right, bulb lights swinging lightly in the breeze casting a golden glow on the reverence of his countenance. Before him lie multitude offerings of mothman eggs, known by their flaming red glow. 

Butt...yes, butt!...if you walk behind the statue, the glory is yours to hold - er, behold!

My wonderful Wasteland Expositor patrons, walk...no, RUN...to the west of Appalachia, to the town of Point Pleasant, located along the scenic Ohio River, and observe - no, better yet! - lay your hands on the shiniest butt the world has ever known!

It will surely be an experience of a lifetime!